Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Orders for Obama's Army

Barack Obama
c/o Sir Richard Branson’s Luxurious Yacht
Somewhere in the Caribbean

Dear Barry:

Bet you’re likin’ not havin’ to put up with all that “Mr. President” hokum any more, eh?

I hate to interrupt your sky-surfin’ and all that other fun, but I thought I would check in for a new set of orders.

Just to restate my bona fides, I did protest at my congressman’s office, even though he did not hold a town hall this recess.  I think he was afraid of the questions we’d be asking, like why does he want to take away our clean water protections and our health care.

And I did join the women’s march protest, as you ordered me to. I also went down to the bus station to see if your bus to Ohio had room for me so that I could be an outside agitator in accord with your wishes.  But there was no bus there and the agent said he never heard of one.  Please clarify because I distinctly heard your successor say that there were busloads of us all over the place. “It’s just politics. That’s just the way it is,” he said, and if there’s any kind of politics I want to be a part of, it’s just politics.  See what I’m sayin’?  Like, we've had enough of unjust politics!

For your convenience, I am enclosing a list of possible signs to carry at the protests you order me to organize and participate in.  Please check the ones you authorize.  I would hate to be caught carrying an unauthorized sign; I certainly don’t want to be dismissed from your huge army of protesters.  My personal favorite among the signs is “Lock up Spicer,” but, to repeat, I will follow your orders on this.

I understand there is a movement afoot to cut off liquor delivery to Alt-Pres. Bannon’s office, but since I have seen NO official approval of it from you, I have not joined it.  Can’t be too careful these days.

I’m sure you are enjoying your post-presidency time, being at leisure to plot the destruction of the country with your Kenyan Muslim friends while sailing in luxury on the high seas.  Watch out for Russian submarines :) LOL!

Your obedient servant,

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