Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Very, Very Inner Workings of the American Left

The revolutionary council met Saturday for only the third time this year.  Hiding in a crowd, we spoke in code.

We'll be meeting again in July, this time under cover of culture.  An opera, perhaps, or concert.

To guard against inadvertently leaking keys to our code, I will simply summarize our most recent meeting:

--The country continues to decline at an accelerating rate.

-- Peaceful solutions seem increasingly unlikely.

-- The next step will be to take to the streets.  Even with MLK, Ghandi-style protests, there will be violence.  We formed a slogan committee.  What's the antidote to "Real Men Love Jesus"?  Perhaps the creators of the Landover Baptist website will come up with something. Some of us will go to jail, like the Black Panthers and the Freedom Riders. 

-- Green tea and boutique beer do not mix well. 

--SKG (not his real initials, of course) wasn't really eager to go to jail.  "I still have songs to write, a mortgage to pay," he said.  CKG (not her real initials) gently chided him: "The drop of rain maketh a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by oft falling." He seemed chagrined, but then musicians always look chagrined.

--Bobby Dee (not his real name) was ready to man the barricades.  "How can we take up arms," he asked, "if the NRA has all the guns?"  We named a procurement committee to find our where terrorists, who don't usually belong to the NRA, get their weapons.  "Now that we've killed bin Laden," Mary Dee wondered aloud, "are there any terrorists left? Armed ones, I mean."  We referred the question to the etymology committee.

--"Massive non-violent protests (which of course will be met with violence by those being protested against) have to be tried before we consider taking up arms," counseled Tinkler Tee (not his real name).  "Besides, it's a lot cheaper."  "Nonsense!" roared Little Lulu (not her real name).  "Read your Che."  Tinkler appeared chagrined; but then, aging revolutionaries always look chagrined.

-- "Can Obama be re-elected?" Bobby asked.  Consensus: Probably.  Unless the Republicans manage somehow to find a candidate who does not immediately self-immolate.  "Well, then," Bobby continued, "is it not possible that Obama will transform himself into the President we thought we elected in 2008?"  We dismantled the procurement committee and formed a committee to investigate Obama's election prospects and the possibility of his transforming himself into the President we thought we had elected in 2008.  (Tinkler Tee thought from the outset that the procurement committee was not aptly named.  "It's suggestive," he complained).

--"Who got my green chile cheeseburger?" Bobby Dee asked.  "SKG has traces of green chile in his mustache," Tinkler Tee observed.  Accusations were hurled. The house had no porter.  The enchiladas were overbaked. The waiter demanded a bigger tip.  Chaos ensued.

--But then Mary Dee spoke up over the cacophony: "The Rive Gauche in July?" Glasses clinked.  "The Rive Gauche!" we cried as one.

Chris Hedges to the contrary notwithstanding, the American Left is alive and well.

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