Is there any commodity in the United States more abundant than Republican cheek? Today, for example, Peggy Noonan sent out a call for -- get this! -- bipartisanship to curb violent political reactions. She used that very word: "bipartisanship."
As the great Art Buchwald used to say, "You couldn't make this stuff up." The recent violence over the passage of legislation to assure Americans of adequate health care, according to Ms. Noonan, is "bipartisan," and so must be the solution. Democrats! Stop making your office windows so inviting to brick tossers. Stop walking in range of Republican gunsights. Stop voting for things we don't like. That oughtta clear up the violence thing.
I remember when my Dad put up the only Willkie for President sign on either side of the entire length of Herbert Avenue. Hardly an eyebrow was raised by the FDR majority. Kids on the baseball lot still let me use "chicken claws" just as they could. The other Moms still exchanged gossip, recipes and home-grown vegetables (it was wartime, after all) with my Mom. Pops Hemberger, who lived across the street, did chuckle once about how he and the other pinochle players "liked to get Doc talking politics, because then he didn't pay too good of attention to his cards, and we could maybe win a little bit more."
These days, you're risking your life if you support the first improvement in our national health care system since Medicare. People bring guns to political rallies. A wrongful bumper sticker could make you a victim of road rage. My wife once sent out a neighborhood mailing on political issues: just issues, no names of candidates, no mention of parties. She received three civil replies by mail, disagreeing with her arguments and questioning her tactic. She received four threats of violence -- all anonymous. If she did the same thing today we'd have to hire Wackenhuts.
If you're the type who likes an occasional friendly wager, here's a good one: next time you take a road trip with a Republican, bet that every pickup truck you spot with a "Protected by Smith & Wesson" bumper sticker will also have a pro-Republican issue or candidate sticker. You'll win big. Guns are central to the violent Republican crowd. Pistol-packin' Mommas, if you read a recent poll, comprise more than half the Tea Party membership.
In her plea for -- honest! she wrote this! in today's Wall Street Journal! -- bipartisanship, Ms. Noonan warned us that these are dangerous times. But then, she said, politics in the United States has always been a rough game.
As that great American, Joe McCarthy once said, "If you've got a guy down, kick him in the groin."